Traveling, between the borders of sleep and awake. I click the next song button on my headphones. It does not work. I click it again. Still does not work. Annoyed, I open my eyes, and notice my hand has not moved, I only thought it did. Scary how in this state my brain loses the ability to tell the difference between doing something and imaging doing something.

When I fall asleep my last thoughts are often the noticing of my inability to go back to the previous topic. I tend to backtrack often in my mind apparently. I only notice when I lose this ability. I will go from thought A to thought B, then question wait why was I thinking of B? what was I thinking beforehand? Completely unable to remember A, then in the process of trying to remember A, I would forget B itself. Getting stuck in the lost world of forgotten what I was even trying to remember. A couple of times I stopped myself from falling asleep when noticing this, trying to get to the bottom of what I forgotten but it always remains just out of reach. I now have grown to enjoy this half-asleep state where thoughts, begetting thoughts, where links connecting them are severed on impact. In some sense I never truly now the source of my thoughts anyway, but not seeing the chains linking them replaces the discrete trajectory of thoughts with endless discontinuous jumps. What was that quote? The mystic swims in the same water the psychotic drowns in. I can let go when it comes to sleep. Not sure if I could let go the same way when there is no waking up from it though.